Walking Wounded Returns

I arrived back in Cairns this afternoon after four interesting days on Taka Liveaboard. We set sail on Friday at 5pm from Cairns Pier with 30 divers from all areas of the world - the US, France, New Zealand, Switzerland, Canada and, of course, the ubiquitous Brits. After a massive dinner, which was a sign of meals to come (ie there was absolutely no shortage of food), and then an early night, we arrived the next morning to start our first dive on the Great Barrier Reef.

Unfortunately I sucuumbed to a diver's worst nightmare - the dreaded cold! At the start of the second dive on day one, it was quite painful equalising and after the constant crackling in my ear for the rest of the day, I decided to take it easy, so that I would be able to do some of the dives in the Coral Sea the next day. This meant missing the cod feed at the Cod Hole (ie with huge potato cod). I was, however, not able to dive for the next two days, as my ears were completely blocked. I slept for the whole of day two, feeling completely worn out, and it was the first time I was able to relax since leaving England last Saturday. Mind you, reading American Psycho is not exactly the way to relax on holiday! On the third day, I managed to snorkel a couple of times and saw a reef shark and a turtle (exciting by divers' standards) and probably saw more than than I did on the first two dives. Snorkeling does make you feel vulnerable though, as you end up flapping around on the surface - easy enough for some shark to mistake you for a seal and lunch. Another drawback of snorkeling without a wetsuit is that the water is full of small stingers, which meant that I was covered in little red stings all over my body. Very attractive! Good job for the antihistamines - my first aid kit has been a life saver.

I managed to get in the last two dives today, which should have been quite chilled out. On the first dive this morning (at 6.30am!!!) my buddy Kelly and I came across a Titan Trigger Fish. They are known for being quite aggressive, attacking people and taking big chunks out of fins with their nastly little teeth which can crush coral into tiny bits. Three years of not diving must have eradicated some of my brain cells, as I decided to get a bit to close filming one on my video camera. All of a sudden, the Titan went for me and luckily I had the protection of my video camera, which it proceeded to headbut. I turned to continue my dive, but felt a little nip on my leg (luckily I was wearing a full wetsuit) and when I turned around the little bugger was coming back a third time. This time, after screaming like a banshee, I gave it a massive karate kick with my fin (Bruce Lee would have been proud!). Don't go calling the RSPCA or feeling sorry for it, as it is the only way to deal with them. Back on the boat I learnt that it is nesting season right now, which means they get very territorial near their eggs and it had tried to attack a few people on our dive.

I am not sure what was going on with the filming on my video camera on the first day. It must have been all the cold tablets, antihistamines and cough mixture I was loaded up with. I could hardly point the camera for more than 2 seconds in one go, so that the whole footage looks like it is taken by someone who is on a load of ecstacy tablets going nuts at an all night rave!

Taka Liveaboard is run like a military operation - ie it is geared more for beginner and intermediate divers who need a bit of guidance but there were quite a lot of experienced divers who felt a bit patronised by being told what to do. Chilled out diving it wasn't, for example, we were made to swim half a mile in three metre swells to get to the reef (almost drowning with my camera trying to hold onto the line) and then after the dive, instead of helping us into the rib, they would tow us back like shark bait. I was not that disappointed that I missed two days' diving, as none of the experienced divers said that the dives were amazing and the visibility was not great - 10 metres in part - but this could have to do with the fact that it is coral spawning season in December. I also think that the weather was quite bad - we had two nights travelling in quite bad swells, with the boat rocked 45 degrees side to side.

As well as bruises on my arms and legs from lugging my luggage and banging myself against the boat, I somehow managed to fall down the steep stairs on the dive boat back to my room and I now have scrapes on my right arm and my ribs and a bruised and bloody elbow. I look like I have been in a war zone!

Still, at least the food was good, my fellow divers were nice and I feel quite relaxed. I have just come back to my hotel after meeting up with the divers for a drink, but after not drinking for four days, I feel like a complete lightweight! My only excuse is that I have a 7am pick up tomorrow for a trip to the rainforest.

I am back at the Hotel Cairns where I was last week, except that I have been upgraded to an executive suite - which means a bigger room and a balcony (the last room you could hardly swing a dead cat in!). I must have done something right last week - ie smile sweetly rather than doing my usual scowl! Anyway, my Aussie Guru tells me that in far north Queensland, wireless internet connection it is not widespread and in fact in many parts of Australia, broadband is not available. I am so pleased that the Hotel Cairns has decided to join the internet revolution!